Still can't believe

I have been through lots of sorrow things in the past.
When I was in Taiwan, I got depression and didn't have the appetite to eat any food.
I lose many pounds.
I kept myself in my room all day long without talking to anyone and cried at night.
There is a deepest wound in my mind which takes a long time to recover.
But since I heard the God's words in iM church, I had enough strength to get out from the death valley in my life. I got much better than before.
However, it's still hurt now and it makes me cry every time I think of terrible memories in the past.
It's hard to get rid of them.
I am not good enough so that I could be dumped easily and any girl could replace me.
I am nothing for any man because lots of girls are much more prettier than me
They are smarter and prettier than me.

I reject men before dating so it means I never really hurt someone.
but I am always dumped at the end after I got into the relationship just because of some difficulties.
My love always fails because of the reality and challenges from this world.
The pressure from parents, relatives, people's criticizes.  People talk.
Job, family, financial problem, misunderstands are also the factors that influence the relationship.

but I don't want to be tortured again.
I have had enough in SJ, CA.
Please don't hurt me again, I can't afford the second time.
and of course I will definitely do my best to maintain this relationship.

Show me how much you love me and how do you support our future.
I feel loved from you and you are special and a real christian.
Thats's why I love you so much becuase I feel loved that I have never had from other men.
I will keep telling myself "Don't screw it up this time."

I love you so much. Please don't  leave me.